When I graduated high school in 1996, I was 400lbs. I felt great! I was active and cute. My weight never stopped me from doing anything. I was happy and healthy. So in that I can understand the stance people take about being happy and healthy at over 400lbs.
However, that happiness and physical ability faded right around 580lbs. Age didn't help. As when I hit that weight I was over 30 years old. It takes a toll. My knees are shot. (mostly from being an active fatty) When I was in high school I was on the track team and in school plays, nothing stopped me. I was friends with the popular people. There was nothing wrong with my life at 400lbs which is why it angers me when people who are in the 400's think they know what it is like to be super heavy and not able to move.
It's quite like having a mole and claiming to identify with those who have had skin cancer. It just doesn't compare. I'd love to be 400 lbs again. LOVE IT. I don't know if it will ever happen, but I really wish people wouldn't assume they know what it was like to be me at my highest weight. You can't *know* unless you have been there.
Monday, 14 February 2011
Sunday, 13 February 2011
Fatties kill the NHS....again...or still
Ok so this morning I woke up bright and early. I was able to catch some of the early morning news which highlights todays front pages of UK newspapers.
There was some Earth shattering news that fatties are going to bankrupt the NHS. How is this new news?? How is this front page worthy? Doing a quick google of "obesity bankrupt nhs" brings up an old bbc article from 2006 about the same damn thing.
Now what surprised me this morning...is that instead of all ther "omg fattiez must die" comments...some people are starting to wise up.
Of course there ARE fat hating comments, but there were some worth noting. Usually when it comes to comments on articles like this people are all over it like flies on dog shit spreading their fat hatred.
What I want to know is....do people think fat people aren't taxed?!?!?! I know I pay my taxes! I do work and am not on benefits..I work and pay taxes and Im fat. Now what? If you don't want to pay for my health care....which is mostly mental health related...then stop charging me taxes that go to the NHS to treat drug addiction, STI's, alcoholism and smoking!!!
Fuck this pisses me off. Either fatties are going to die young and not cost as much as longer living peeps or we are going to live forever and thus the "experts" have told little white lies all a long.
There was some Earth shattering news that fatties are going to bankrupt the NHS. How is this new news?? How is this front page worthy? Doing a quick google of "obesity bankrupt nhs" brings up an old bbc article from 2006 about the same damn thing.
Now what surprised me this morning...is that instead of all ther "omg fattiez must die" comments...some people are starting to wise up.
Of course there ARE fat hating comments, but there were some worth noting. Usually when it comes to comments on articles like this people are all over it like flies on dog shit spreading their fat hatred.
What I want to know is....do people think fat people aren't taxed?!?!?! I know I pay my taxes! I do work and am not on benefits..I work and pay taxes and Im fat. Now what? If you don't want to pay for my health care....which is mostly mental health related...then stop charging me taxes that go to the NHS to treat drug addiction, STI's, alcoholism and smoking!!!
Fuck this pisses me off. Either fatties are going to die young and not cost as much as longer living peeps or we are going to live forever and thus the "experts" have told little white lies all a long.
Friday, 11 February 2011
That one show about fat people dying to be less fat....
An article saying what hopefully many people think.
I don't know if that author was fat, but she is right on target! It IS mean spirited. I feel bad for the contestants. I know they volunteer and audition for the show....but I don't think they know any other way. Sometimes, ok, all the time, I wish fat acceptance was more mainstream and people had a chance to really love themselves.
The BL isn't just a diet and some exercise. It's a crash diet and crazy amounts of exercise. The fat people nearly pass out whilst working out and the trainers shout at them for not "wanting it bad enough".
Holy fuck. The people on the BL are usually good looking yet they hate themselves so much. I don't understand it. I've been "supersized" my whole life. At 3 years old I was nearly 80lbs. I mean...I was a very large kid...before there was an "epidemic" or more recently a "Tsunami." I know what it is like to be bullied and physically abused because of being different. However, I've never felt so low that I wanted to go on TV and get pointed at whilst people laugh and then "tempt" you with monetary rewards for breaking your diet.
It's just so asinine. People deserve better!.
Snipped....All just a little bit tasteless
Lorelei Vashti
February 10, 2011
On to The Biggest Loser (Channel Ten), which does offer us something slightly different this season: the contestants compete in family groups of four. It's pretty much like Family Feud but with more drills and dry-retching.
This show is hideous. Teaching people about the importance of a healthy diet and lifestyle is one thing but The Biggest Loser dresses up the dressing down of overweight contestants as education and self-help. Occasionally, obesity might be alluded to as the complex health issue it is but it gets overshadowed by the voyeuristic aspect of — as I constantly hear it described — "watching fatties cry".
The whole thing feels like high-school bullying, with the skinny, popular kids making fun of the fat kids. Its message is that crash dieting is acceptable and healthy but as the trainers tell the contestants they're disgusting for eating so much, the ad breaks encourage more consumption. I don't care if the people involved with this program genuinely believe they're doing something good for the world; they seem like mean girls, plain and simple.
I don't know if that author was fat, but she is right on target! It IS mean spirited. I feel bad for the contestants. I know they volunteer and audition for the show....but I don't think they know any other way. Sometimes, ok, all the time, I wish fat acceptance was more mainstream and people had a chance to really love themselves.
The BL isn't just a diet and some exercise. It's a crash diet and crazy amounts of exercise. The fat people nearly pass out whilst working out and the trainers shout at them for not "wanting it bad enough".
Holy fuck. The people on the BL are usually good looking yet they hate themselves so much. I don't understand it. I've been "supersized" my whole life. At 3 years old I was nearly 80lbs. I mean...I was a very large kid...before there was an "epidemic" or more recently a "Tsunami." I know what it is like to be bullied and physically abused because of being different. However, I've never felt so low that I wanted to go on TV and get pointed at whilst people laugh and then "tempt" you with monetary rewards for breaking your diet.
It's just so asinine. People deserve better!.
What would you say or do?
A couple of days ago, I had a hospital appointment. I was feeling very proud of myself for being able to walk the length of the entire hospital, considering where my mobility has been before. I approached the department I needed and there was a lady. She looked. Looked again. Looked again and then stared. What would you do in this situation? It was obvious her stare was not of admiration, but of disgust.
My approach may have been a bit harsh, but I was tired, out of breath and feeling a bit cocksure since walking what seemed like miles. As I pretended to read the hospital map while I caught my breath, I said "I can stare at you just as much as you can stare at me. Beotch" Now I didn't technically call her a bitch because that is a section 5 offence here in the UK and I didn't fancy being arrested over some fat hater. After I verbally expressed myself, I heard her gasp. It took incredible self control not to just fall on the floor and laugh. But then I realised how hard it would be to get up off said floor, so I contained myself.
My experience here in the UK has been fairly hostile towards fatness. I am originally from California, where thin is beautiful and I never EVER experienced fat hatred like I do here in the UK (Southern England to be specific) Sometimes I ignore it. Other times I can't help but show my ugly side. Which is full of sass and attitude. I carry myself with my head held high and I don't mind if strangers take a double take...I am the biggest person they have probably ever seen. However, I am not going to stand back whilst people stare and make comments.
So was I too harsh on this ignorant lady? How would you have handled it?
My approach may have been a bit harsh, but I was tired, out of breath and feeling a bit cocksure since walking what seemed like miles. As I pretended to read the hospital map while I caught my breath, I said "I can stare at you just as much as you can stare at me. Beotch" Now I didn't technically call her a bitch because that is a section 5 offence here in the UK and I didn't fancy being arrested over some fat hater. After I verbally expressed myself, I heard her gasp. It took incredible self control not to just fall on the floor and laugh. But then I realised how hard it would be to get up off said floor, so I contained myself.
My experience here in the UK has been fairly hostile towards fatness. I am originally from California, where thin is beautiful and I never EVER experienced fat hatred like I do here in the UK (Southern England to be specific) Sometimes I ignore it. Other times I can't help but show my ugly side. Which is full of sass and attitude. I carry myself with my head held high and I don't mind if strangers take a double take...I am the biggest person they have probably ever seen. However, I am not going to stand back whilst people stare and make comments.
So was I too harsh on this ignorant lady? How would you have handled it?
Tuesday, 8 February 2011
My Experience so far with Weight Loss Surgery (VSG)
Ok. This is just my experience. I have not had a band, nor a gastric bypass. I had the sleeve gastrectomy, which in short....is a removal of most of the stomach. The stomach works as normal, it is just smaller...and I have no malabsorption...so the calories I eat, I metabolise.
I also have binge eating disorder. So learning to eat differently has been a struggle.
Also, let me say I do not advocate for anyone else to chose what I did. I chose to have my sleeve because I was housebound, mostly immobile, unable to care for myself. I was miserable to the point that I hoped I died on the table to release me from the hell I found myself in. I did NOT hate my body and I did NOT think I was ugly. I chose what I did purely because I did not have a life...at all. I know there are people who are immobile and have the complete opposite experience I did. One size does not fit all.
Also, once one becomes so immobile, they cannot burn off enough calories to lose weight, even when calories are reduced dramatically.
On the day of surgery I was 620lbs. Down 20 from my all time high of 640. I lay on the table as they were putting me down and my thought was, "I've had a great life, Thank you" I was fully prepared not to wake up, and that made me happy. BUT I did live, and I'm even happier! I love life!
I am not skinny, lol, I am still well over 500lbs. But I can care for myself! I can go to the drs office, I can fit in a car, my clothes fit again, I am able to walk the 20 feet to the loo without being in terrible pain.
My surgeon recommends eating 800 calories a day. I'm a smart person, and I value my health. I am now about 5.5 months post op and I'm eating 1200-1500 calories a day. Will this lead me to be skinny? FAT CHANCE! But ya know what....If I get down to 400 it will feel like I have won the lottery.
By the time I had WLS, my appetite was out of control. I would diet for 2 or 3 weeks, even as extreme as an all liquid diet...I'd lose 1lb during those two weeks and I went insane with hunger...so I would binge. Like most people with eating disorders, dieting is a HUGE trigger. What the sleeve allows me to do....is to be normal. I eat. Tonight..I had pizza. But instead of the 7 or 8 slices, plus garlic bread, plus chicken wings it used to take me to get full, all I need now is one slice and I feel stuffed and satisfied. So in that way the sleeve has allowed me to control something that I was unable to myself.
After the op, I sought therapy..self pay. I didn't get anything out of it and was wasting money. I have talked it out with my shrink and she has referred me to an eating disorders place. I am on the waiting list. I still have binge eating disorder. I still find myself at the fridge looking for something to eat. Sometimes I do eat, but most of the time I am satisfied after the first couple of bites.
People around the net will claim you do not feel hunger after a sleeve, but let me tellllll you. I woke up in the recovery room, starving. I do feel hunger still, but it isn't as bad as it used to be. Before my op, I used to get so hungry I would feel nauseous and HAD to eat then and there. It was a miserable feeling...like my stomach was starting to eat itself. I do get hungry now, but I assume it is the normal gnawing that normal people feel when they need to eat.
I lost a lot of weight in the first month as I was on liquids and recovering and not very hungry. Now that I am able to eat, I do. I am losing around 10lbs a month which is pretty healthy, I think. There are times that I get carried away and think "just one more bite" and I am sick. But it's not a sick like I thought it would be. It's just food that won't fit in your stomach. It hasn't even reached the stomach yet...it's just chewed up food.
I hope I answered the question. WLS has given me the tool to control my caloric intake. I do not plan on having the 2nd half of the operation as thinness was never my goal. I plan on being fat, happy and healthy and WLS has enabled me to pursue those goals.
I hope this isn't seen as cheerleading. I was in a very desperate situation. I wanted to die FFS. I've not regretted having the op. Not once. And it has fixed a lot of my problems, but not all of them. It's not a magical thing.
I also have binge eating disorder. So learning to eat differently has been a struggle.
Also, let me say I do not advocate for anyone else to chose what I did. I chose to have my sleeve because I was housebound, mostly immobile, unable to care for myself. I was miserable to the point that I hoped I died on the table to release me from the hell I found myself in. I did NOT hate my body and I did NOT think I was ugly. I chose what I did purely because I did not have a life...at all. I know there are people who are immobile and have the complete opposite experience I did. One size does not fit all.
Also, once one becomes so immobile, they cannot burn off enough calories to lose weight, even when calories are reduced dramatically.
On the day of surgery I was 620lbs. Down 20 from my all time high of 640. I lay on the table as they were putting me down and my thought was, "I've had a great life, Thank you" I was fully prepared not to wake up, and that made me happy. BUT I did live, and I'm even happier! I love life!
I am not skinny, lol, I am still well over 500lbs. But I can care for myself! I can go to the drs office, I can fit in a car, my clothes fit again, I am able to walk the 20 feet to the loo without being in terrible pain.
My surgeon recommends eating 800 calories a day. I'm a smart person, and I value my health. I am now about 5.5 months post op and I'm eating 1200-1500 calories a day. Will this lead me to be skinny? FAT CHANCE! But ya know what....If I get down to 400 it will feel like I have won the lottery.
By the time I had WLS, my appetite was out of control. I would diet for 2 or 3 weeks, even as extreme as an all liquid diet...I'd lose 1lb during those two weeks and I went insane with hunger...so I would binge. Like most people with eating disorders, dieting is a HUGE trigger. What the sleeve allows me to do....is to be normal. I eat. Tonight..I had pizza. But instead of the 7 or 8 slices, plus garlic bread, plus chicken wings it used to take me to get full, all I need now is one slice and I feel stuffed and satisfied. So in that way the sleeve has allowed me to control something that I was unable to myself.
After the op, I sought therapy..self pay. I didn't get anything out of it and was wasting money. I have talked it out with my shrink and she has referred me to an eating disorders place. I am on the waiting list. I still have binge eating disorder. I still find myself at the fridge looking for something to eat. Sometimes I do eat, but most of the time I am satisfied after the first couple of bites.
People around the net will claim you do not feel hunger after a sleeve, but let me tellllll you. I woke up in the recovery room, starving. I do feel hunger still, but it isn't as bad as it used to be. Before my op, I used to get so hungry I would feel nauseous and HAD to eat then and there. It was a miserable feeling...like my stomach was starting to eat itself. I do get hungry now, but I assume it is the normal gnawing that normal people feel when they need to eat.
I lost a lot of weight in the first month as I was on liquids and recovering and not very hungry. Now that I am able to eat, I do. I am losing around 10lbs a month which is pretty healthy, I think. There are times that I get carried away and think "just one more bite" and I am sick. But it's not a sick like I thought it would be. It's just food that won't fit in your stomach. It hasn't even reached the stomach yet...it's just chewed up food.
I hope I answered the question. WLS has given me the tool to control my caloric intake. I do not plan on having the 2nd half of the operation as thinness was never my goal. I plan on being fat, happy and healthy and WLS has enabled me to pursue those goals.
I hope this isn't seen as cheerleading. I was in a very desperate situation. I wanted to die FFS. I've not regretted having the op. Not once. And it has fixed a lot of my problems, but not all of them. It's not a magical thing.
Monday, 7 February 2011
Swept Under the Rug of Size Acceptance
I'm not even sure how to begin this rant. It is very close to my heart and very personal.
Here is my claim: Fat oppression is alive and well within the Size Acceptance community. Once a person gets to a certain weight, no matter their political leanings or associations, they become something to hide. Quite like the elephant in the room. Hiding the supersized skeletons in the closet only proves there is something wrong with a lot of the current thinking; fatness is a lifestyle choice, not a medical condition or a problem to be dealt with.
I can actually step back and see both sides of this. I have been so fat that I could barely move. To become acceptable to the SA movement and the fatosphere I had to do the forbidden, which means I will never fully be accepted as an activist or advocate because I was tired of being swept under the rug and committed treason of sorts. That's right. This fatty had a sleeve gastrectomy. I had to. Diets don't work. I was 99% immobile and Health at Every Size might as well be called "Health at any Size below 350lbs". I mean the author herself starts out the book by stating she lost 30lbs, but in the footnotes we get the same ole "results not typical" which means, if you don't lose weight, please don't sue me!
I'm not going to go into the book in depth, but it is a book I own, and a method I tried before I had surgery. The book teaches a great theory, which in practice could work if you are in the 200-350lbs range. But we all know theories can be great, but the practice of such theories is another thing altogether.
When I had my surgery (the thing that now cuts me off from being a valid member of the SA movement) I was nearing 650lbs. SEE! I heard you gasp! And then you think "I'll never let that happen to me" or "God, I hope I don't get THAT big". In life, shit happens! It could be you, and then what? Would you be sitting on the sofa on which you plant yourself everyday because you can't do anything else, and think to yourself, "I'm healthy at this size". The answer is, probably not. It's hard on the heart to be that overweight and out of shape and it is damning to the soul of the owner of such a body.
Feeding into the isolation I felt in such a large body were the comments of "oh, yeah I like big girls, but there IS a limit", "We don't want to hear about the problems of fat people not being able to wipe their ass" ect. It's actually very common! Fat people hate fatter people. If you have ever seen a fat person and thought to yourself, or actually asked someone else, "I'm not THAT fat, am I?" Then you are guilty of this.
I realise that due to the media sending us constant messages that we must compete with each other based on how we look, that this sort of thought pattern can easily be justified to oneself. It is not acceptable! Just because you aren't the person having to be cut out of their home by the fire crew, does not in any way, shape or form, make you a better fatty. If you can still shop in stores like Lane Bryant and Torrid, whilst other must shop from catalogues and wear knit pants…IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BETTER FATTY!!!
Size Acceptance needs to accept that there ARE health implications for some fat people, there ARE some people who cannot eat intuitively. There are some people who must chose drastic measures to lose weight, just to be accepted by those who claim they don’t discriminate and then to be told we are not to be accepted because we chose to “butcher our bodies”. Well FUCK YOU!!!
Damned if you don’t. Damned if you do. Life’s too short, live for yourself, by your own rules!
Here is my claim: Fat oppression is alive and well within the Size Acceptance community. Once a person gets to a certain weight, no matter their political leanings or associations, they become something to hide. Quite like the elephant in the room. Hiding the supersized skeletons in the closet only proves there is something wrong with a lot of the current thinking; fatness is a lifestyle choice, not a medical condition or a problem to be dealt with.
I can actually step back and see both sides of this. I have been so fat that I could barely move. To become acceptable to the SA movement and the fatosphere I had to do the forbidden, which means I will never fully be accepted as an activist or advocate because I was tired of being swept under the rug and committed treason of sorts. That's right. This fatty had a sleeve gastrectomy. I had to. Diets don't work. I was 99% immobile and Health at Every Size might as well be called "Health at any Size below 350lbs". I mean the author herself starts out the book by stating she lost 30lbs, but in the footnotes we get the same ole "results not typical" which means, if you don't lose weight, please don't sue me!
I'm not going to go into the book in depth, but it is a book I own, and a method I tried before I had surgery. The book teaches a great theory, which in practice could work if you are in the 200-350lbs range. But we all know theories can be great, but the practice of such theories is another thing altogether.
When I had my surgery (the thing that now cuts me off from being a valid member of the SA movement) I was nearing 650lbs. SEE! I heard you gasp! And then you think "I'll never let that happen to me" or "God, I hope I don't get THAT big". In life, shit happens! It could be you, and then what? Would you be sitting on the sofa on which you plant yourself everyday because you can't do anything else, and think to yourself, "I'm healthy at this size". The answer is, probably not. It's hard on the heart to be that overweight and out of shape and it is damning to the soul of the owner of such a body.
Feeding into the isolation I felt in such a large body were the comments of "oh, yeah I like big girls, but there IS a limit", "We don't want to hear about the problems of fat people not being able to wipe their ass" ect. It's actually very common! Fat people hate fatter people. If you have ever seen a fat person and thought to yourself, or actually asked someone else, "I'm not THAT fat, am I?" Then you are guilty of this.
I realise that due to the media sending us constant messages that we must compete with each other based on how we look, that this sort of thought pattern can easily be justified to oneself. It is not acceptable! Just because you aren't the person having to be cut out of their home by the fire crew, does not in any way, shape or form, make you a better fatty. If you can still shop in stores like Lane Bryant and Torrid, whilst other must shop from catalogues and wear knit pants…IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BETTER FATTY!!!
Size Acceptance needs to accept that there ARE health implications for some fat people, there ARE some people who cannot eat intuitively. There are some people who must chose drastic measures to lose weight, just to be accepted by those who claim they don’t discriminate and then to be told we are not to be accepted because we chose to “butcher our bodies”. Well FUCK YOU!!!
Damned if you don’t. Damned if you do. Life’s too short, live for yourself, by your own rules!
Sunday, 6 February 2011
Getting My Feet Wet...
I am an angry girl and I have a lot to say. I am outraged by the system the media has put in place to ensure I never have the "right" to feel happy as I am.
This lil blog I started today is going to be my soapbox where I talk about size issues, like cute clothes, eating disorders, wls and being too fat for the fatosphere. There is such a point and I have been beyond it. It's getting late here in the UK though, so I will have to have that long rant tomorrow.
I look forward to having a voice...even if no one listens.
This lil blog I started today is going to be my soapbox where I talk about size issues, like cute clothes, eating disorders, wls and being too fat for the fatosphere. There is such a point and I have been beyond it. It's getting late here in the UK though, so I will have to have that long rant tomorrow.
I look forward to having a voice...even if no one listens.
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