I'm not even sure how to begin this rant. It is very close to my heart and very personal.
Here is my claim: Fat oppression is alive and well within the Size Acceptance community. Once a person gets to a certain weight, no matter their political leanings or associations, they become something to hide. Quite like the elephant in the room. Hiding the supersized skeletons in the closet only proves there is something wrong with a lot of the current thinking; fatness is a lifestyle choice, not a medical condition or a problem to be dealt with.
I can actually step back and see both sides of this. I have been so fat that I could barely move. To become acceptable to the SA movement and the fatosphere I had to do the forbidden, which means I will never fully be accepted as an activist or advocate because I was tired of being swept under the rug and committed treason of sorts. That's right. This fatty had a sleeve gastrectomy. I had to. Diets don't work. I was 99% immobile and Health at Every Size might as well be called "Health at any Size below 350lbs". I mean the author herself starts out the book by stating she lost 30lbs, but in the footnotes we get the same ole "results not typical" which means, if you don't lose weight, please don't sue me!
I'm not going to go into the book in depth, but it is a book I own, and a method I tried before I had surgery. The book teaches a great theory, which in practice could work if you are in the 200-350lbs range. But we all know theories can be great, but the practice of such theories is another thing altogether.
When I had my surgery (the thing that now cuts me off from being a valid member of the SA movement) I was nearing 650lbs. SEE! I heard you gasp! And then you think "I'll never let that happen to me" or "God, I hope I don't get THAT big". In life, shit happens! It could be you, and then what? Would you be sitting on the sofa on which you plant yourself everyday because you can't do anything else, and think to yourself, "I'm healthy at this size". The answer is, probably not. It's hard on the heart to be that overweight and out of shape and it is damning to the soul of the owner of such a body.
Feeding into the isolation I felt in such a large body were the comments of "oh, yeah I like big girls, but there IS a limit", "We don't want to hear about the problems of fat people not being able to wipe their ass" ect. It's actually very common! Fat people hate fatter people. If you have ever seen a fat person and thought to yourself, or actually asked someone else, "I'm not THAT fat, am I?" Then you are guilty of this.
I realise that due to the media sending us constant messages that we must compete with each other based on how we look, that this sort of thought pattern can easily be justified to oneself. It is not acceptable! Just because you aren't the person having to be cut out of their home by the fire crew, does not in any way, shape or form, make you a better fatty. If you can still shop in stores like Lane Bryant and Torrid, whilst other must shop from catalogues and wear knit pants…IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BETTER FATTY!!!
Size Acceptance needs to accept that there ARE health implications for some fat people, there ARE some people who cannot eat intuitively. There are some people who must chose drastic measures to lose weight, just to be accepted by those who claim they don’t discriminate and then to be told we are not to be accepted because we chose to “butcher our bodies”. Well FUCK YOU!!!
Damned if you don’t. Damned if you do. Life’s too short, live for yourself, by your own rules!
I hope you're not feeling like this because your application to BFB wasn't accepted. If so (and assuming you're for real) I apologize. It had nothing at all to do with your size or your WLS.
ReplyDeleteIt was a matter of timing. I got 5 applications in one day, they were all written in a similar style, and several seemed like parodies of people who blog on the fatosphere. That's been the pattern with our trolls. So, I rejected all of them, including yours. The trolls have been gone for a couple of months, and I'd rather things be quiet than go back to playing their games.
It's nothing personal; it's a general distrust of new people because of the problems we've had. I was hoping that the introduction text would give people a heads-up in case their applications were rejected because I was being too cautious.
No, I actually didn't know I had been rejected. This is just a general rant about fattys who are fat-phobic. I've been in SA since I was 19 (1997) and have see so much fat hatred from within.
ReplyDeleteActually, I don't think you mentioned your size or WLS in your app, so you couldn't have been discriminated against because of them. So, you must be talking about some other incident that I'm not aware of.
ReplyDeleteThis was just a general rant, not aimed at anyone in particular. It's just how I feel as someone who has been over 500lbs for the past 14 years.
ReplyDeleteI'm a bit sad I wasn't allowed to join in the conversations at BFB, but I understand.
I just typed a huge comment about this, and...it disappeared grr.
ReplyDeleteBottom line: I think we need to talk about this stuff more, yes. And I do know that there are people for whom their weight is a direct hindrance on their health and mobility. It may not be of epidemic proportions, but those people are important and deserve a place in fat acceptance and discussions of HAES.
HAES is not the Ultimate Answer for everyone, though it's likely the best thing we've got at this time. And WLS is sometimes truly the lesser of many evils for people whose backs are up against a wall, given that medicine doesn't have any better answer for them at this time.
I agree TFN, we just have to work with what we've got. I appreciate your open mind. I feel shunned by SA/FA because a) I was a super duper fatty and then b)I had WLS. I feel alienated by the WL community because I have no desire for thinness and I don't equate the number on the scale with myself worth. I feel in a very strange in between world.
ReplyDeleteCame here via Fat Lot of Good.
ReplyDeleteI will try stopping by more. I admit that I don't read enough about the everyday realities of people much fatter than myself (I am about 290 lbs these days).
Here is a post I wrote a while back about FA. I really do think that as a movement we need to accept people who have had WLS - it saddens me to hear that you don't feel you will be accepted after taking that step.
http://mymilkspilt.wordpress.com/2010/12/14/all-of-us-thoughts-on-fat-acceptance/
BFB has rejected me for years. BFB is way too much of a closed shop.
ReplyDeleteOh and I think fat people need to demand more answers. Like analyzing a high stress unhealthy society?Like figuring out why some of us have to suffer like this? I wrote a letter to Obesity Researchers on my blog.
http://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/2011/02/letter-to-obesity-researchers.html
Hi
ReplyDeleteBFB is notorious for banning or not accepting people who do not 100% agree with them. That is a shame because it takes away from the what BFB could be for Fat/Size Acceptance. It will never see the big picture.
William